And I don't know what went wrong. I feel I don't belong. I just keep moving on.

Hayduke died last night.

This probably isn't particularly surprising to you or the spam-bots that still occasionally troll this blog for free, if pointless, advertising opportunities. Hayduke's demise has been a long time coming, starting over a year ago when I decided it would behoove me to further my career goals rather than blather endlessly about stuff on the internet.

Still, even as distractions and other priorities took his place and the time between posts grew from days to weeks to months, Hayduke persevered, if only as a muted shell of his former self. Looking back, I probably should have made a clean break earlier, but I couldn't/didn't until last night, when, with the help of some Ikea furniture, I let go.

The vast majority of the words on this blog were written at this desk.



I bought it around the same time I started this blog in the fall of 2005. Incidentally, I also bought the iMac around the same time. Together, the desk and the computer made up the Hayduke Command Center, which, tucked into little corners/closets of our home offices (first in the Kings Contrivance apartment and later in our Oakland Mills house), made for a lovely blogging oasis.

I did some of my best work at this desk. Certainly, it witnessed my most exciting and energizing moments as a writer. (I know, exciting and energizing are not usually associated with the act of writing, but whatever, it's – still! – my blog, bitches.)

I know the desk itself – the combination of pre-fabbed pieces of particale board and those crazy screw thingies Ikea uses – was not the source of whatever blogging acumen I may have possessed. It is, however, a physical reminder of a piece of my life that I really enjoyed.

And last night, it fell to pieces…

…with the assistance of a screwdriver and a hex key.

Just as I ran out of room in my life for blogging, my house ran out of room for the desk. There's a baby on the way, and when you only have 844 square feet and two bedrooms' worth of house, a large desk and an office become a luxury you can no longer afford. Which is perfectly fine by me. I'm happier than a pig in poop about the baby.

Nevertheless, as the pieces of the desk were undone and stacked against the vacant walls of the nursery-to-be, I felt pangs of loss for what once was. Alas.

It was fun, Hayduke. Maybe we'll do it again sometime.

That's the extent of the mourning you'll hear from me. I've got a nursery to finish, a wife to dote on, a dog to run with, a job to keep up, and a show to prepare for (Friday night, Michael's Pub, 9 pm, Pine Flood's world premier!), among all the other stuff.

Finally, to everyone who took the time to read this ridiculous thing, thanks. I had great time talking with you and hope to again soon. If you're interested in keeping tabs on me, you can find me on Facebook, where I'm now posting silly pictures of the dog.